My Wish
by Marine Brother Shran
Summary: For as long as I could remember, I've wandered for eternity. As the eons go by, I have but one wish. But I know, it'll never come to pass.


**My Wish**

Nothingness…

Forever damned to nothingness, I wander for all of eternity, forced into the company of only my thoughts and memories.

It has been eons since I had answered Ikari's call. He had called for me that day, and I had answered. Having fulfilled his duty, I had but only one option: to be eternally damned as the body that was once Lillith fell into shambles and floated harmlessly down, forever to rot as its essence brings forth new life upon the Earth I had once walked on.

My only regret to this day is that I could not be with you. I could not be by your side as you watched the world you had rebuilt grow once more, as the human race lived on. Even if your body had died, your spirit had been granted the level of near godhood. Your soul had evolved to the next level, even if you had not known it, Ikari-kun.

I only wish I could've stood by you.

But you had chosen Asuka as the one whom should come to you. You had selected her over me. Although I pained me to stand there on the sea of LCL one last time as I watched you strangle her a moment, before her hand gently touched your cheeks, and you broke down into tears and cried upon your body.

It was the last time I saw of you Ikari-kun. Since then I had travelled this black world, forever damned. But, it was what I had desired, what I had wished for, to return to the nothingness.

But, I now regret that wish.

I do not like being alone, but it is unavoidable, it is inevitable. I cannot deny it, nor do I wish to. I had brought this upon myself, so I accept it. It was the world I had created.

Although now I had a new wish: to be with you Ikari-kun.

You had shown me kindness. You had shown me concern. It was you Ikari-kun who tried to be my friend. And it was for you, I had destroyed my second incarnation: to save you.

I wished that we could've expanded the horizons of our friendship.

It is strange. For the longest time, since the beginnings of my incarceration, I had never expressed as much emotion, as I am now. It is strange indeed.

How long I have bestridden this darkness? I do not know. I do not believe I'll ever no. This was a punishment brought down upon me. I shall take it in stride as I continue to live out all of eternity, my soul never permitted to be cleansed as it moved on to the next container.

I would live on forever. I would never know what it was like to start anew. To be cleansed of all sins, all crimes, all memories, and then to be reborn into the world with a fresh start, free to build that life as my cleansed soul saw fit.

But that is but a dream; a dream that shall never be realized, so long as I remain in this eternal damnation. That dream will never take shape or flight. But it matters little to me.

I only wish to be with Ikari-kun.

What's this sudden wetness upon my cheeks?

Am I crying? Yes, these are my tears. I have not cried in ages. I have only cried on two occasions: when I tried to save your life, and when I tried to crush Commander Ikari's glasses. I have never cried since then.

I wish you were here Ikari-kun.

I wish you could be here to dry my tears.

I wish I could just see you, even if it were for but a moment.

I wish you could hold me, and make me feel safe.

I wish that you were here Ikari-kun.

I wish you were here so I can call out your name.

"Then call me, Rei."

"Shinji?" Is that you? I cannot see you.

What's this sudden warm feeling? I, I feel something beat against my back. But there's nothing behind me. There's only darkness. Yet I still feel that presence around me, around my arms, my front, with that constant beating on my back. Something continues to pulse against my back.

I simply sighed in contention as I allowed my body to float into whatever force that held me. It was warm. I felt sleepy. I surmise a moment to rest would do. It had been so long since I had taken a rest.

If it was for a moment, I shall continue to hold my wish. I wish to see you, "Shinji."


End file.
